Monday, December 12, 2005

Why my name is not 'Grace'

Ok, rather than chug along and finish "Smashed" on Saturday night, I decided that I would attempt to be a much cooler person than I actually am, and go out with my friends bowling. At the best of times, I'm happy when I score above 80, but after this past Saturday, I think all future expectations will be considerably lower. To this very moment, I still have no idea how it happened. The best explanation I can come up with is that the ball must have taken me with it on the first few feet of its journey toward the pins, because before I knew it, I was sprawled, hands splayed on the oily pine lane like Bambi's first time on ice; my hands sliding around furiously as I attempt to prevent actually landing face-first in the disgusting lane. I had no idea how gross those lanes were. When I finally (and I mean finally) am able to get to my feet and make my mortified way to my laughing 'friends,' my hands are covered with a delightful sludge of oil and what I assume to be dust or some equally repulsive black substance. Being the shower at least once a day person that I am, my embarrassment is tempered only with the immediate need to wash my hands. It is only later that I realize that my ankle hurts. I suck it up after I whine some to my friends and get another drink, when it occurs to me that I might have actually hurt myself. Sure enough, when we get to Josh & Megan's and go to apply the ace bandage, what is normally a golf ball sized protrusion, has become more akin to a tennis ball. What was a dull ache, has become a hobbling throb. Luckily, by that time my friends had lost their sarcastic quotation marks and were lovely. Emi even overcame her revulsion of feet to wrap my foot with her professional nurse knowledge. Ah, bowling, that strenuous sport. I think I shall avoid you in the future.

5 comments:

beth said...

Have you considered a career in writing? You definately have a way with words.

kathy said...

Jac- I knew you were funny but I had no idea you were seriously hilarious, falling down funny!! I laughed my butt off (and I was trying to hold it in since I'm reading this while on desk and trying to "appear" professional. Thanks for my entertainment of the day/week.

Sarah said...

Oh my goodness! Why did you not tell me of this dreadful experience earlier?! Although, I must say you did a very good job writing it in such a way to have me in hysterics instead of actually feeling sorry for your experience. And don't worry. I'll never take you bowling. Who needs to repeat that one, eh?

Jackie "O" said...

I guess you won't be considering joining a bowling league anytime soon. Maybe you should try another sport? How about downhill skiing? The snow is much softer and cleaner!

Jackie said...

Somehow, I think that rather than the sprained ankle, if we added snow it would become a *broken* ankle, and then where would we be? The thought gives me chills!